The following text selections are excerpted from first draft material from the upcoming novel The Salvador Dali Cyfer. These sections build upon prior months excerpts.
The imagery is from the final scene of this segment. This scene sets up a “signature scene” magical battle in the Alps. This signature scene is designed to present a cast and production crew with a construct that talented people can be worked with to really bring to life on the big screen
This month’s posting takes the reader to the point of the very complex set of events that follows. Perhaps the July posting will include some of the battle and perhaps not.
Welcome to Surrealand!
The motorcycle in front of Pleud was a modified Harley Softail. Its color was an intense, iridescent blue hue. Almost everything except for the gold-plated headlight, spring shocks and exhaust pipes had been customized blue.
Pleud walked around the bike to get in position to hop on. She placed her hands on the handlebars. The ends of the grips glittered with diamonds. There had to be two rings of thirty diamonds each on each handlebar. Her heart throbbed with love.
She leaned the bike up to kick the kickstand back. She saw that her feet were now adorned with Italian blue leather Golden Goose biker boots.
She set the bike back and bent down to look at the boots. Her arm reached out. She noticed that her arm sported sweet blue suede. She stood up to look at how she looked in the bike’s rear view mirror but there was no mirror. The only glass was over the gas tank. There was a round casing that housed a melted watch. The watch somewhat looked like a sunny side up egg. The egg white was a blue color feeding up to an egg yolk watch that formed a bubble with the watch irregularly melting downwards. The watch hands looked to be white gold and the numeric markings appeared to be diamonds.
She felt her jacket while also looking down at it. The jacket suede color was a royal blue. There was a large collar that fed down into large lapels that could be buttoned when the jacket was zippered up. The zipper angled up from the left side. To the left of the zipper was a vertical zip up pocket. To the right of the zipper was a wallet size button pocket as well as another vertical zipper. On the upper right she felt a zipper pocket with something inside.
Unzipping the pocket she discovered a pair of Cazal aviator shades. She pulled them out looking down at the glasses. The glass frame was a golden bar across the top shining with crushed diamonds. The lens was a single piece lens shaded blue.
That’s when she noticed her suede pants. They were like suede jeans painted on her legs. Lacing crisscrossed through gold grommets up the front of the pants extending from her ankles to her hips. The lacing tied at her ankles.
Plued loved it. She put the shades on. She held up the bike kicking the stand back and hopping on. She realized something. Her right hand felt her torso. Nope she thought. Nothing on underneath the jacket!
She shrugged and started the engine. The motor lit up with a lighted cam shaft rotating behind a window. Pleud smiled. She was in hog heaven.
Everything around her was black except for the road in front of her. The road was illuminated somehow but she could not tell how. A street sign up to her right stated ATLANTIC. The road in front of her was water with grooves in the water like ski grooves cut into a snowy mountain. Pleud drove forward in one of the grooves shifting gears until she rode full throttle. She felt the freedom of her hair whipping all around her face and eyes but she had no fear of wiping out. Instead her mind heard Wipe Out drumming through her as she raced along.
She passed a street sign that read DARK AFRICA. The water turned to sand but there still was a groove in the sand to drive through. Water was on her left and casinos appeared on her right. Faceless humans played table games outside of the casinos. The breeze from her riding past blew cards and chips and dice and tables into the air. Angry patrons vigorously moved body parts in protest but no sound was made by them as they had no mouths to protest.
She passed a street sign that read DARKER AFRICA. The sand turned to veldt with a dirt riding path among the grasslands. She rode past herds of Space Elephants and Tuba Elephants. Harp Headed Elands and Oboe Antlered Oryx raised their heads from grazing on pasta grasses to check out the speeding blue bike. She had to swerve to avoid crashing a crash of Zebra Rhinoceros. The scenery was lit by the flames of Burning Giraffes.
She passed a street sign that read DARKEST AFRICA. The veldt turned to bumpy lava. Everything was black except for the light from her headlight and light from towers on the mountaintops she was driving between. The mountaintops were lit by towers crowned by giant bloodshot eyeballs that emitted ambient light as the pupils in the eyes roamed the valley like searchlights. The searchlights spied the Harley; laser beams shot out like cannon fire at Pleud. She swerved from side to avoiding the explosions only to realize that her path led directly to a mountain with an eyeball tower atop the snowy summit.
She rode the bike straight over the eyeball leaving a tread mark over the cornea as she passed over the eye. She found herself soaring through the air past the summit. The eyeball rotated following the bike when
ZAP! BOOM!
A laser shot out from the eye exploding the bike into pieces. Pleud found herself flying through the air. Her shades flew off. Her body finally hit ground with her body rolling until the back of her head smacked into a sign post stopping her momentum. Crescent moonlight illuminated her surroundings. Pleud looked up to see a sign nailed to the post that read:
Welcome to Surrealand!
Dreams Can Happen Here
Population
100 Demons and a Girl
She stood up. A jagged border line was in front of her on the ground. She stepped over the line entering Surrealand. She stepped forward into a plain that fronted a forest of trees. Some trees grew up into mushrooms and other trees raised up becoming umbrellas.
A horrible monster sounding noise emanated from the forest. The ground and trees shook with the approach of something. Giant claw hands pulled trees apart like hands pulling drapes apart. A giant white skinned being with duck like feet and the face of an angry Greek theatre mask appeared striding towards Pleud. The almost featureless face had a feline look about it. Pointy cat ears rose from the head. Two small blue zephyr wings protruded from the back. The being stepped closer as Pleud stepped back in fear with her back pressed against the sign post. The giant being neared Pleud issuing a horrible “GGGWWWWRRRRR” sound roaring from its mouth. Jagged flesh ripping teeth showed. Saliva drooled. The being stood above with claw hands raised up like they would swoop down and swat Pleud at any second.
Suddenly the being quit roaring. The entity bent down with a smile before quickly giving Pleud a peck on the cheek followed by a lick from the tongue. The being then turned and danced its way away singing “lalala lalala” as it made its way back to the forest.
Pleud walked forward into Surrealand. She looked at the horizon. The moon raised upwards rolling up into a lampshade. The lampshade dropped down a fishing line and started reeling up and down as if a big fish were on the hook. The sun was reeled up illuminating the land. The sun was propped up from below by three beings made only of obese legs and buttocks. The beings stacked on top themselves pushing up the sun.
Pleud shook her head in disbelief. She walked forward towards a multi-colored field of tulips that had not yet opened up their blooms. Suddenly a cat head popped up out of a bud. The cat was made of ice. The cat brought a flute and started playing the open strains of Peer Gynt’s Morning suite. Suddenly the buds bloomed and an orchestra of various icy cat breeds broke into wild discordant jazz routines.
Then a strange being rowed its way in front of Pleud. A serving tray with a strange swan on it was being propelled by red lobsters with crowns on their heads. The beak of the swan seemed natural but the head looked like giant teeth with human lips. The tail was a toothbrush with toothpaste on it. The toothpaste spelled out the word FOO.
After that crazy creation rolled by another being appeared. There were 2 feet that were gnarled flesh. One foot grew into a leg of a featureless body in a supine position. The other foot propped up the torso. Another leg rose upwards with a thick muscular calf forming into a hand where the foot should be. The fingers formed into heads squeezing an elongated breast that tapered backwards into another leg that bent at an acute angle coming down to a foot resting on top of the torso. The grotesque image formed an irregular quadrilateral. On top of the quadrilateral a head made of tendons and hair sat uttering “Cracker, Cracker” while the entire being lurched forward by the base feet hopping.
A flock of flamingo bicycles appeared. The flamingo’s hues shone pink and white and purple solids along with multi-colored yellow\white\green and other colorful combination. Their legs formed into bicycle wheels with tail feather seats and an arching head between the handle bars. They rode up to the quadrilateral beast playing chicken with the feet hopping while also playfully hopping through the geometric center of the beast.
Pleud shook her head walking the other direction. That’s when she saw the crutch head. She saw a horizontal crutch in the air. The crutch protruded through a large human skull. The skull swung back and forth like a swing on a swing set rocking back and forth. The base of the swing the skull rested on was another crutch. The head contained no eyeballs. They eye sockets were empty but they were also propped open by crutches. The lips were pierced with crutches that braced up against the nostrils.
Pleud wandered along seeing a variety of crazy characters until she came across a character that looked like Salvador Dali. The Dali figure had big bulbous eyes rotating circularly in opposite directions. He was wearing a diner display placard that read INFORMATION ABOUT THE DODIL!
Pleud excitedly ran to the Daliesqueite persona. “Information about the D-D D-D D-Dodil??!! Where is he??!! Which way did he go??!!” she excitedly asked.
A Don Pardo voice uttered “HE WENT THATAWAY!” as twenty-five different arrow signs appeared around the placard. Each arrow pointed in a different direction.
Pleud craned her head around in wonder. Then she straightened her look on the Daliesqueite with a look of Ha ha you’ve had your fun.
The Daliesqueite extended his arm to the bottom of the placard. He pulled the front of the placard up. The flip side had colorfully lighted arrows pointing down to the open area just revealed. A rectangular void was there. Pleud leaned forward to look into the void. Suddenly her legs somehow lifted up behind her and her body fell into the void.
Pleud’s body tumbled through empty space. She saw images of herself tumbling like she was watching frames of film of herself. The tumbling stopped and she found herself suspended in air right side up facing forward inside an old film cell frame. The frame was part of an old film hand crank which could crank her cell rotating over and over. She looked at the end of the crank to see who was holding it. “YOU!” she agitatedly exclaimed.
“Yes, ME!” The Demon Dodil replied. “And what is the Pulchitrudenous Pleud doing here?” He ran his drooling long tongue along his long beaked nose. “Looking for a tongue lashing, perhaps?”
“OOOHHH!!!” Pleud angrily cried pressing her hands and body flat against the invisible plane holding her in place. “Let me out of here!”
Fromlette
A couple of hours later Pleud found herself with a difficult choice to make: Elevator or Stairs? Elevator won out.
She had looked in on still Sleeping Beauty before heading down. Jeans and sneakers and an Indian fringe top had been selected for adornment. Her hair had been washed and dried. Her face was clean. She looked at her nails. At least a mani if not a mani-pedi were in line. Wait a second she thought. I’m Pleud. It’ll be a mani-pedi.
She exited her ride walking towards the sofa where Pfeelmi and Leonardo sat opposite each other talking about something. The Book of Surrealism lay propped up against the iguana sculpture on the table in front of them. They were watching the flat screen against the wall.
Leonardo welcomed her approach. “Good morning” he said as he puffed on his pipe. “Who’s your hot date with today?” he asked.
Pleud made it to the back of the sofa. “Hot date?” she quizzically quizzed. “What makes you think I have some hot date?” Her voice trailed off slowly as she looked at Pfeelmi with the look of What did you tell Leonardo?
“Well, it took you so long to make it down here since Pfeelmi brought yoo a cup of coffee” he explained “that we thought you probably must have a hot date. The kind of hot date where you make the guy wait and wait and wait while you play in your bedroom before showing up to go out when the bars are closing.”
“Ha ha ha” Pleud sarcastically retorted. “Aren’t you the funny one! Ten thousand comedians out of a job and we land you.”
“Ten thousand chefs are out a job also” Leonardo came back with “and you got me too. There’s a plate with a Fromelette Blue staying warm in the oven if you’d like.”
“A plate with what?” Pleud asked. She was starving. Whatever it was if it was warm and tasted good it was being ingested. She made a beeline for the oven.
“A Fromlette” Leonardo replied. “It’s like a spicy yogurt blue cheesy bacony omelette.”
The kitchen promise delivered. The oven kept warm a delicious dish while the island held a tray with silverware. Hot pads sat next to the tray. The rest of the kitchen was all cleaned up. Pleud wondered if she was dreaming again.
Pleud returned to the TV viewing area taking the recliner to yoga pose in while eating. Looking at the TV she asked “Sweet Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow is that Star Trek?”
On the screen a being in a white outfit was approached by Captain Kirk. The being said “That is irrational, illogical. Dreams are not real.”
“The BBC is running it” Pfeelmi informed Pleud. “You know I love the old Star Trek. All the babes wear great outfits and they get to mash with Captain Kirk all the time.” She sighed. “Ahh, what a life.” She looked at the screen. “Well, those babes didn’t get great outfits. They kind of look like dresses made from curtains. The leggings and the heels are kind of nice but nothing special. Nothing like the baked potato outfit. That’s what I want. One really has to have the batatas to pull that off.”
“Really?” Pleud replied in between bites. “See I always wanted one of the original star girl outfits. Go commando in one of those and you can out do Basic Instinct by a mile. It certainly would wear a lot better than when Britney went commando. Plus there’s nothing to roll up because they are so short. You could have a quickie anywhere on the ship and no one would know because you don’t have to rearrange the uniform. And everyone wants to christen their uniform. It’s like christening your car!”
“That all depends on the episode” Pfeelmi said. “Some episodes there is no place on the ship that isn’t being listened to and others…OMG…I never thought about that. I wonder what it’d be like getting transported while going for a horse ride!” She thought about it. “I guess I’d have to knee-trembler it. It’d be the only way to stay inside the little circle things they have there.”
Pfeelmi and Pleud looked at each other with the look of Let’s think about this. What positions could work? The show droned on in the background. “Harcourt! Harcourt Fenton Mudd, what have you been up to? Have you been drinking again? You answer me!”
Pfeelmi picked up the TV remote. She brought up the programming menu. “That’s over. Well let me see what else do we got here?” she wondered. Her searching stopped. “Ha! Here we go!” She pressed play Beavis and Butthead do America.
Beavis wandered the White House talking to dignitaries. “Gr-r-ringo! Burrito! R-r-anddatattta!! I am Cornholio! I need T.P. for my bunghole! Heh heh heh. Would you like to see my bunghole?”
Pleud and Pfeelmi smilingly looked at each other with the look of That’s our cue! They turned their looks to Leonardo. They put aside the remote and serving tray getting up and walking over to sit sit next to and caress Leonardo. They spoke in seductive stereo. “Leonardo, would you like to see my bunghole?” The sisters started laughing.
Leonardo was not amused. He took his pipe from his mouth and pointed the end of the pipe to the TV. He tapped the bowl of the pipe changing the channel to the famous classical music channel. Bolero started playing. “No” he told them “I don’t want to see your bunghole. What I want to know is what happened at the Dali Museum the other night. I’m still trying to piece together what’s going on and you keep avoiding the subject.”
“We’re not avoiding the subject” Pleud said. She pressed against his arm while softly rubbing her hand across his shirt.
“We’re just trying to figure out what you are up to” Pfeelmi said as she squeezed the other arm joining in the chest rubbing. “And the first thing we’re trying to figure out is Are you gay or what?”
Leonardo nervously placed his hands on the wrists of the sisters to stop their motions. “Um, no, no, I am not gay. And I certainly do appreciate the attention being given.” He sighed. “It’s just that, well, I’m not here to have sex with any of you.” He paused. “There’s more at stake here going on than you even begin to realize. I keep trying to explain that to both of you and it would really help me if you could just focus on telling me what happened at the Dali Museum.”
Pleud reached her unheld hand down to his thigh. She started massaging his leg causing Leonardo to squirm. “See” she slowly started “That’s kind of the problem Leonardo. How can we trust a man who says he’s not queer yet doesn’t want to have sex with either of us or with Piperswife?”
Pfeelmi followed suit with the other leg causing Leonardo to accelerate his squirming. “Leo” she said “you may not be here to have sex with us” Pfeelmi paused and moved her lips close to Leonardo’s lips “but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have sex with us.” She turned on The smile. “Hmmm?”
CLAP CLAP CLAP
The sound of hands clapping from the top of the stairs was heard. The three on the sofa turned to look. Their jaws hit the floor.
When Pfeelmi met Kohl
Pfeelmi sat on her bed. She stared at her webcam. She stared at her computer. She stared at her TV. She stared at her keyboard. She stared at her mouse. She stared at her clothes. She had no desire to go online.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to go online. She did. She had no desire for who she might see online. There was only one client she wanted to see online and she didn’t want the other riff-raff in the way.
She got up off the bed and went to her credenza to sit and look at herself in the mirror. What do I see? She wondered. I see what I am. I see what I be. See what you be. She closed her eyes. What do I want to be? What do I want to see what I be?
She opened her eyes. She sat atop a rock formation in the Plains of Googolrotha. A lake of blood surrounded by sand covered with warring armies took place in front of her. The armies were unknown to her. All she saw was the carnage occurring below her.
The armies had both human and inhuman elements to them. The humans wore armor. They used a variety of pole arm weapons as well as swords and shields on the battlefield. The inhuman elements appeared to be demons. Some demons had claws and others had tusks. Others had sharp piranha like teeth. Some wore armor and others did not.
Pfeelmi’s eyes were drawn to a large demon she recognized as the Demon Alllbbbbzzzzzzrrrrr. She watched as The Demon slaughtered humans and demons alike using his claws. The Demon grabbed a human by the top of his head lifting the human up and punching the other hand through the chest grabbing the heart along the way. Alllbbbbzzzzzzrrrrr pulled his arm back through the chest discarding the body while keeping the beating heart. He threw the heart into the air only lunge at the heart with his mouth to eat while slashing another beings throat with one claw while ripping the head off of another demon with the other claw.
Alllbbbbzzzzzzrrrrr suddenly stooped and looked across the Plains at Pfeelmi. “You shouldn’t be here!” he roared. Distracted Alllbbbbzzzzzzrrrrr did not see the band of humans race at him with Bohemian earspoons. The weapons opened up holes in the torso and legs of Alllbbbbzzzzzzrrrrr. Alllbbbbzzzzzzrrrrr roared in agony as blood poured out from puncture wounds created by the metal ears. The blood kept pouring out creating a second lake of blood drowning the combatants and raising to the level of Pfeelmi’s foot. Her toe touched the rising pool.
Suddenly Pfeelmi was standing ready to touch her index finger to the head of the sleeping Detective Kohl. He was sleeping on a sofa in a sweat wet wrinkled dress shirt and wrinkled pants. His face needed a shave. Her finger touched a bead of sweat on his forehead.
Kohl opened his eyes. He looked at Pfeelmi. His eyes shone black except for blood red pupil slits. He rapidly stood up displaying an angry violent mien. His arms grabbed the arms of the scared quivering backpedaling Pfeelmi. His hands threatened her bone structure squeezing painfully tight. “What are you doing here!!??” he angrily barked at her. “How did you get here!!??”
Pfeelmi fumbled replying “I…I…I don’t know” she managed to utter. Her feet stepped backwards kicking a bottle on the way. Her eyes went to the floor. The floor was wooden and covered with empty bottles of various alcohol types. That’s when she realized Kohl’s alcohol breath. She looked back into his eyes. The black faded to white and the red turned to green.
The haggard looking Kohl lost the anger from his face. His arms softened their grip. Recognition of who was holding came to him. “Pfeelmi!?” he asked with surprise. He bear hugged her. “Oh Pfeelmi, it IS you! Oh my goodness! It feels so wonderful just to hold you.” He released her stepping back a step so he could look at her face, so he could look in her eyes. His shoulders and upper body turned with disbelief. “How did you get here?”
Pfeelmi stepped forward hugging Kohl. “Oh Kohl” she said “I came to find you. I cubed here” Pfeelmi haltingly said looking around at the surroundings “although I’m not really sure where here is.” The place was a disaster of weeks’ worth of trashy male living in a single male apartment that strangely had no windows or exit out to anywhere else. She looked at Kohl asking “And why are you such a mess? You’ve never looked this trashy before and that beard didn’t get there in the last however long since we saw you with that dead body and phew” she waved her hand up in front of her face with a smile “do you have any toothpaste here or some soap or both or maybe I could give you a shave but there doesn’t to be a bathroom in here why is there not a bathroom in here like what do you do when need to go like are you holding it all in my goodness that must be an awful lot of ow you know whatever inside you and…”
Kohl tried interrupting Pfeelmi with softly spoken “Pfeelmi…please…Pfeelmi…please will you…Pfeelmi” as Pfeelmi went on her speaking spree. Eventually he had enough forcefully grabbing her arms forcefully saying “PFEELMI!” Pfeelmi stopped her nervous nattering. “Pfeelmi” he repeated softer. He shook his head while exhaling. “Pfeelmi, I don’t know where here is.”
Pfeelmi rubbed her hands across Kohl’s chest. “What do you mean you don’t know where here is? How can you not know how you got here?” she asked.
“Do you know you got here?” Kohl asked.
Pfeelmi pulled out the smiling embarrassment of stupidity eye roll. “Um…well…OK…well I get your point.” Pfeelmi pulled a one-eighty looking around. “Well, golly gee” she started saying bending down in front of Kohl to stand up a couple of loose dead soldiers on the floor before moving to straighten up more mess “I must say you obviously haven’t had any females down here because obviously if you had…” Suddenly Pfeelmi stopped standing straight up in fear. She rapidly turned looking at Kohl with a look of terror saying “Oh goodness gracious, no! You aren’t…I mean…you know…” Pfeelmi pulled out the smiling embarrassment of stupidity eye roll with added bonus dip, wiggle and wave of hand no “Of course you aren’t I mean geez how silly of me I…WHOOPS!” Pfeelmi stepped forward towards Kohl stepping on a bottle sending Pfeelmi into the chest of Kohl knocking both of them down on to the sofa.
Pfeelmi pulled out the smiling embarrassment of stupidity eye roll with added good time schoolgirl giggle transitioning to good time schoolgirl look of I’d like to have a good time would you like to have a good time tell me you would like to have a good time look. She leaned forward to kiss Kohl but he moved his head aside and her mouth caught stubble instead. She kissed and licked and smelled the stubble giggling “Meow! I’m just like a cat licking you clean now aren’t I?” She pulled her head back slightly bringing her left hand up and putting her left index finger on Kohl’s mouth. “What’s the matter, Kohl?” she asked as she squeezed her body against his. “Cat got your tongue?”
The Ice Cream Man Cometh
Pleud lay on her back on her bed with her clothes on. She wanted to go to sleep but she had no luck. She didn’t want to go back to Piggstown. She wanted to find The Demon Dodil. Everytime she felt like she had a vision of where he might be the sensation disappeared. She was still in bed. She lay there with eyes open waiting for relief that was not coming. Her eyes finally started drooping when…
Pleud found herself standing in a giant parking lot next to a twenty foot tall Canaty Island date palm tree. It’s night. Brrr! It’s night! Late night? I’m in a shopping mall parking lot somewhere. A big closed shopping mall! Brrr! Cold breeze! Good lighting. Macy’s. Big Macy’s. Mall at Millenia Macy’s.
Mall at Millenia Macy’s? Sweet Victoria’s Secret I’m in Orlando? What???? OK, this isn’t right! If I was going to wish me here I’d either put me in the lingerie store of the furs section! Well, as long as I’m here maybe I can…
“PLEUD!!??”
Her train of thought was interrupted as the sound of her name being uttered causing her to jump eight feet up the tree clinging to the trunk of the tree. Ouch! Palm tree trunks are rough! Slowly she turned her head to see who had spoken. “Pfeelmi?” Pleud asked.
Pfeelmi looked up at Pleud clinging to the tree. “Jumpin’ Jetlisophat! How did you do that?” she asked.
“Do what?” Pleud asked back. “You mean, jump up the tree?”
“No” Pfeelmi sarcastically answered “How did you match those shoes with those pants is what I meant! Of course I meant jump up the tree!”
“Oh” Pleud answered “I don’t know. Just, um, talent I guess. Um, can you help get me down?”
“Well how do you suppose I do that?” Pfeelmi answered. “And don’t even think I’m going to try and catch you if you fall! You got yourself up there, you can get yourself down here!”
“Well” Pleud replied “Is there a ladder around here or something? Can you wish me up a ladder or something like that?”
“No there is no ladder just laying around!” Pfeelmi said. “Why don’t you try shimmying down?”
“OWW!” Pleud sarcastically answered. “This tree trunk is like all knobby and rough. I’m gonna rip my breasts raw if I try and shimmy down!”
Pfeelmi walked from the pavement onto the grass to the base of the tree on the other side of Pleud. “Well, you could try jumping for it. There are some bushes back here that may break your fall.”
Pleud worked her head around to see what Pfeelmi meant. “Are you crazy?” she uttered. “Those bushes are like ten feet away from this tree! I could never make it that far.”
“Well then I gues you will just have to stay up there now, won’t you?” Pfeelmi shot back with. Don’t blame me you’re stuck up a tree!”
“Oh I will blame you!” Pleud exclaimed. “If you hadn’t snuck up behind me and scared beejebus out of me I wouldn’t be up here!”
“I didn’t sneak up on you!” Pfeelmi retorted. “I’m not even…sure…where…here…is” Pfeelmi slowly said as she looked around her trying to figure out where she was. “We’re at the mall in Orlando, aren’t we? What are you doing at the Mall in Orlando? What am I doing at the Mall in Orlando?”
“Well I don’t know what either of us are doing at the Mall in Orlando!” Pleud retorted. “All I know is that I’m losing my grip on the tree!”
Pfeelmi backed up away from the tree near the bushes. “I already told you I’m NOT catching you!”
Pleud knew she had to do something. OK she thought. If you jumped up here you can jump down there! She worked to get her feet squarely against the tree trunk. She heard Pfeelmi ask “Now what are you doing?”
“I’m doing a backward spring with a one and a half somersault” Pleud said. She gathered herself for the move.
“You’re doing a whatty-who?” Pfeelmi asked. This is gonna hurt she thought envisioning Pleud smacking into the ground.
Pleud rocke her torso back and forth a couple of times while inhaling and exhaling deeply to gather the nerve to make the move. “Here goes!” she said as she timed her push off up into the air as far as she could. Her head went downwards as her body made a rotating L. She made the full somersault dropping through the air. Her legs kicked out for the half somersault.
SMACK! “OWW!”
Her feet caught Pfeelmi square in her face. Pleud was able to use Pfeelmi’s face as a board for her to complete the second somersault and land on her feet nailing the finish. The force from the blow sent Pfeelmi flying into the bushes with treadmarks on her face.
Pfeelmi flailed her arms in the fir bushes. She called out to Pleud “Are you out there? Need a little help here!”
Pleud smirked while basking in her own personal self-satisfaction of having nailed the dive. She walked over to the flailing Pfeelmi extending her arms to grab her arms and pull her out. She got Pfeelmi standing up and they both started brushing loose foliage off of her.
“Well THAT wasn’t nice” Pfeelmi said rubbing her face where feet had planted. “That hurt!”
“You want me to throw you back in the bushes? Because I’m happy to do that.” Pleud said. “Besides, the way I see it I helped you out and you helped me out so I’d say that pretty much makes us even.”
Pfeelmi gave Pleud the look of anger. Pleud replied with the look of anger. Pfeelmi shifted to the look of snooty. Pleud changed to a rolling eye look. Pfeelmi altered to pouty mope. Pleud went to confident I won! mode.
“Oh allright” Pfeelmi said. She pointed to a white Victorian style wire bench. “Shall we have a seat?” The both walked around and sat on the bench looking at each other. “So what are you doing here?” Pfeelmi asked Pleud.
“I don’t know” Pleud replied. “I was lying in bed just about asleep and then suddenly I was here. And you? What are you doing here?”
“Well I was…” Pfeelmi started blurting out before realizing what she would say. “Well I was in my room and…”
Pleud cut her off. “Pfeelmi” she sternly said. “What were you doing?”
“Ooohhh” Pfeelmi exclaimed with a mental D’OH! “Well, let’s just say I felt like I was in high school again hiding behind a couch and then *POOF!* here I am!”
Pleud gave Pfeelmi the look of you opened the door and you are NOT getting off so easy! DETAILS! Upon seeing the look Pfeelmi uttered “Allright, allright, allright already. I kind of cubed off to where Detective Kohl lives and he kind of lives or half lives in some sort of like demonic apartment with no windows or doors or…or…or anything” She thought a second” “Well, anything but whiskey.” She readjusted her posture to hand gesture while speaking “See, like, it’s kinda like his soul is torn in two and half his soul is here on Earth and half his soul is like trapped in this weird room and and and well like I was there with him well not quite like with him I mean yes I was with him but because his soul is torn apart it’s like well things don’t work…” she thought a second “well I don’t think they work well like then suddenly well like we were sitting on this sofa that is there and then some other bimbo shows up and he dumped me behind the sofa to hide like I was back in high school and I was over at Paulie’s place and his Mom walked in and I had to like find somewhere to hide and then suddenly I was here.”
Pleud could not help but smile at her sister. She slowly shook her head. “Only you Pfeelmi, only you” she said.
Pfeelmi started to explain further “Well it’s not like…” but her train of thought was interrupted. A loud clock somehere tolled eleven times. Then Pfeelmi and Pleud heard a song tingling through the air. It sounded familiar but she couldn’t place it. Both their sets of eyes placed where the music came from. An ice cream truck was jingling driving through the parking lot ahead of them. The vehicle held both their attentions.
The ice cream truck drove by in the lot across from them before driving back down the lot away from towards some parked vehicles. The truck painting label read Mayflower Madam Ice Cream. Various colored ice cream scoops adorned the vehicle. The words Lemonade and Push-ups also sparkled alongside images of those items on the truck.
The truck slowed down and stopped by some big boat style cars. Pfeelmi and Pleud gave each other the look of this is odd; we should go check this out. “It’s a little cold out and a little late to be selling ice cream, don’t you think?” Pleud asked.
Their curiosity was piqued further as three blonde teenage girls loudly gabbing exited a couple of the cars making their way towards the truck. Pfeelmi and Pleud stood up and started walking across the pavement to make their way down to check out the action. “How old do you think those girls are?” Pfeelmi asked Pleud.
Pleud snorted. “They look like the proverbial seventeen going on thirty” she replied. They kept walking down towards the vehicle. A man in white Good Humor Man style clothing stepped out the back of the vehicle carrying three ice cream cones. The man was tall and slender with close cropped balding hair. His face was stubbled and he had wild eyes. They heard him say in a sanely crazed manner “Here you go little girls! Come and get your ice cream!”
The blonde girls laughingly bounced their way to the back of the vehicle to get their cones. “Sweet season of the witch!” Pleud exclaimed discreetly to Pfeelmi. “That’s Nicolas Cage!”
“That isn’t Nicolas Cage!” Pfeelmi discreetly fired back. “He has a lot more hair and a red outfit.” She watched the girls bite into the scoops of ice cream on the cones as they continued their walk. It may be chilly out but chocolate ice cream IS chocolate ice cream she thought.
“You’re thinking Fast Times Nicolas Cage” Pleud said. “Or maybe Raising Arizona Nicolas Cage. I’m thinking much older than that. I’m thinking…”
“Maybe there’s a drug deal going on?” Pfeelmi interruptingly asked. “I mean, not that I would know anything about it but really why would any girls be getting ice cream here and now, you know what I mean?”
“Are you saying you think he’s like Johnny Collins Zandalee Cage looking?” Pleud asked. “The Ice Cream Man here doesn’t have a mustache and he certainly doesn’t have that much hair!”
“What is with you and Nicolas Cage?” Pfeelmi asked as they continued walking towards the ice cream truck. “I mean, yeah, the good humor man there kind of has the same build but…Great Ghost Rider’s Ghost! Did you see that?” Pfeelmi and Pleud ran to hide behind a car to watch.
COURCHEVEL
Pfeelmi and Pleud materialized in a corner of the deck of the tourist center in Courchevel. They looked around to see if anyone was staring at them weird like since they just materialized but it appeared that nobody had noticed. Only a handful of people were out and about scurrying around. “Well, we’re here” Pleud said. She took a deep sighing breath watching the cool breath cloud as she exhaled. “It’s so beautiful. I can’t believe that like a minute we were in Tampa. Cubing is so much easier than jetting.”
“That may be” Pfeelmi replied “But we can’t join the mile high club that way.” She wondered a second. “Can we?”
Pfeelmi and Pleud looked at each other. They shrugged the shrug of beats me!
“You know” Pfeelmi said “We should just blow this off. There’s gotta be a bar open that we can go to and meet some ski bums and…well…you know.”
Peuld gave her the look of disdain. “Pfeelmi” Pleud told her “It’s 11 AM. All the good boys to pick up are sleeping off last night’s revelrie. They won’t be in any shape to pick up for a few hours now anyway.”
Pfeelmi gave her the playful pout look. “Well, it was worth a try!” she said.
Pleud gave her an eyeroll look of whatever. She turned her head looking out from the platform they stood on. One level below her she saw the back of a statue of a girl jumping rope. A road circled around the plaza the jumping girl was in. A white van sat parked across the street left of the girl.
Pleud then realized the road also circled around creating a park across from the plaza. In the park she saw more statues. She saw a unicorn with the unicorn horn going through a wall. A golden woman lay on the ground next to the unicorn. There was also a statue of a tree with a melted wristwatch on itA statue of a golden lady also stood in the park. The golden lady’s right arm cliutched her breast and her left hand was raised up palm out towards the ski slope in the distance as if she were either saluting the empty ski run or preparing to stop something from coming. Pleud noticed drawers like dresser drawers open on her legs as the bright sunlight started at her hand and came down the body creating a golden shine disappearing down the torso as clouds rolled in obscuring the sun. Pleud also noticed the wind suddenly starting to pick up up making the temperature rapidly drop.
Pleud looked at Pfeelmi. “Is this what you saw?” she asked her.
Pfeelmi nodded yes. “Over there is the clock” she told Pleud pointing to the right of the plaza at the Rolex sign. “Above us is the lettering for the tourist plaza.” She placed her arms on the shoulders of Pleud to turn Pleud’s head upwards to see the lettering on the building.
CHILLAX
“Pfeelmi. PFEELMI!” Pleud shook Pfeelmi to snap her out of it.
Pfeelmi’s head moved around reorienting to the surroundings as her body shook. Suddenly she realized she was back on the deck with Pleud. She grasped and hugged Pleud thrilled to see that she was alive. “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!” she blurted out.
Pleud created separation so that she could look in Pfeelmi’s face. Terror is what she read in her sister’s eyes. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Are you alright?”
“I had another vision” Pfeelmi said. “It was of…” her voice trailed off as she looked into her sister’s eyes. She couldn’t tell her she saw a vision of her death. She started crying rehugging Pleud tight. “I was afraid I had lost you” she told her.
Pleud hugged her back. “Hey, hey” she counseled. “It’s OK. Everythings going to be OK. Let’s stick to Leonardo’s plan. I’ll go confront the Ice Cream Man and you wait here as backup.” She pulled back to see Pfeelmi’s face. She put her hand up wiping Pfeelmi’s tears away. “It’s going to be OK. You buckle up, OK?” She looked at the clock and back at Pfeelmi. “It’s time to go. I was supposed to be down there by now.”
Pleud turned walking away. Pfeelmi started walking behind her grabbing her hand to tag. Pleud suddenly stopped. Pfeelmi didn’t bumping into her. Pleud turned looking at her with the look of annoyance. “Pfeelmi” she sternly asked “What are you doing? The plan is that you wait here as back up.”
Pfeelmi squeezed her hand tight. “Pfeelmi’s prerogative” she said. “Change of plan. I’m going with.”
Pleud saw the look of it’s useless to argue with me in her eyes. She shrugged. “Ok” she said. She reached around hugging Pfeelmi. “You know what?” she asked. “I actually like your change of plan better.” They started walking towards the steps. “But I have to tell, I’m embarrassed to be seen walking with you while you’re wearing those awful boots. Those Pajar’s look like old Ked’s tennis shoes with a rabbit in the middle of each one. Those striped leggings don’t work with them either.”
The wind really picked up into a storm howl. Heavy wet snow began descending. They made it to the sidewalk rounding the plaza. “I can’t help it if my Florida winter wear isn’t up to your snuff” Pfeelmi replied. “And I don’t think your silver David Bowie spacesuit snowsuit is anything to be too proud of. Those refugee 1970’s hippie fur boots really don’t match it either.”
“Well I knew there was a reason I suggested we cube into Macy’s and snag some furs while we were there the other night” Pleud told here. “We’d be much better prepared if that would have happened.”
“I’m telling you” Pfeelmi said “I know I was thinking about…” Suddenly she stopped walking which caused Pleud to stop walking. Through the sound of the intensifying storm she heard a slow tell tale heartbeat. “Do you hear that?” she asked Pleud.
Pleud listened but heard nothing but the storm. “I hear the wind.” She wrapped herself tighter. “I hear the cold. Is that what you meant?”
Pfeelmi looked at her while she listened to the thumping with the wind. “No” she informed her sister while turning her eyes and body to to look at the girl jumping rope statue. The statue stood immobile but in her mind she could see the rope circling around and around with a WHOOSH….WHOOSH sound with each pass adjoining the THUMP…THUMP of the heart beating. Suddenly the heart was outside on the chest of the statue beating and bleeding down the statue over and over going WHOOSH/THUMP faster and faster and faster and…
“PFEELMI!” Pleud shaking Pfeelmi brought her back to reality. The sounds disappeared and everything looked normal.
Pfeelmi looked at Pleud saying “Did you just…” She sighed. “No, you didn’t.”
“Didn’t what?” Pleud asked. “Are you OK? Are you ready to do this?”
Are you ready to do this? Rang through Pfeelmi’s head. Her face and eyes became space cadet like as if she were standing on the edge of a cliff ready to jump off it coming to the realization that the leap was just about to happen. “Yes” she somewhat dreamily somewhat determinedly said. “Yes, it is time. Let’s go.”
Pleud experienced a sensation of concern looking at Pfeelmi. She turned her attention to street crossing but there was no traffic as the weather conditions deteriorated rapidly. She looked across at the van of The Ice Cream Man. Her eyes spotted more statues in the park beyond the van which had been obscured from her deck view. There was some female with a multilayered skirt who looked like if she had six or eight arms she would be like an Indian dancing girl. Close to the dancing girl stood a horse that had a melting watch for a saddle.
Pleud pulled Pfeelmi tighter and both of them walked across the road to the back of the van. Her eyes noticed lettering on the back reading CHILLAX! She waved Pfeelmi to the side of the van before getting close to the back doors of the van. Her arm raised and her her fist clenched to bring it down banging on the door. She never got the chance.
WHAM!
Both doors flew open smacking her backwards down to the ground. The Ice Cream Man turned around from backing out of the van to see what the doors had struck. He looked at her with surprise exclaiming “You! What are you doing here?” He sniffed the air looking around the city area to see what he might see. His vision was obscured by the blowing wet snow coming down all around. Raising his arms he asked “I suppose this storm is your doing, huh?”
Pleud raised her hand to her face trying to determine if her nose was running from the cold or from getting smacked in it. She decided it was from the cold. She looked up at The Ice Cream Man giving him the glare of glares. Looking beyond The Ice Cream Man she saw something which looked like a blue flame painted two seat Little Deuce Coupe Ski Doo sitting in the back of the van. She also saw three females bound for head to toe in strange looking metalwork pieces covering parts of their bodies. The metal pieces looked as if they had been fashioned by some demented S&M blacksmith. Her eyes went back to The Ice Cream Man. “Looks like you’re getting ready to make an eight millimeter snuff film” she told him.
The Ice Cream Man looked back at what Pleud was seeing before turning back to pycho smile at her.
“Nothing that has meaning is easy” he told her. Pleud conveyed the look of I am not amused. “Awww” The Ice Cream Man asked “Did I bruise your egos again? Or are you looking for some more push-ups?”
“That’s my sister you’re talking to Mr. Ice Cream Man!” Pfeelmi interjected as she popped her head around the open door of the van.