Mom’s Amazing Journey
Helen Louise Muser was born on Christmas, 1924. She met her husband John Anthony Poje while in Graduate School at the University of Kansas. They wed and moved to Grand Rapids, Michigan, where John Poje embarked on a teaching career at Aquinas College.
Like a story-book doll—bright-eyed. Impish and gracious. Minute but mighty. Known as Professor Muser at the U. “It’s a riot.”
Mom had 6 children: Mary (1949), John (1951), Chris (1955), Tom (1957), Jim (1959) and Bill (1963). Tragedy struck in 1970 as a drunk driver killed the oldest son John…and the funeral was held on my 7th birthday. What a birthday present.
My understanding of what happened may be wrong but this is my understanding of what happened. The drunk driver was a big insurance executive in Grand Rapids…and the parents were sold down the river. The Catholic Church accepted a large donation to counsel the family to just “turn the other cheek” because…in 1970…drunk driving was considered a “victim-less crime.” Because of the insurance connections to the law firms in Grand Rapids no law firm wanted to touch the case. Also, Mom was a mess…and years later my Dad said he just couldn’t see putting her through a trial. At some point the defense would put her on the stand and…as defense lawyers do…they would rip her to shreds…and she would collapse into a basket case on the witness stand in the courtroom. Mom never forgave Dad for that decision.
My reality became schizophrenic for at the age of 16 I was co-managing the Argos Bookshop and discovering all the things I never knew existed: money, drugs, girls, fun, friends, and freedom. This didn’t sit well with my parents or my siblings and I was completely ostracized. They thought of me as a useless bum who wasted his life. I went decades with barely speaking to my siblings. The relationship with the parents wasn’t much better.
Over the years I have built a life and faced down all demons. I also made a committed effort to build a relationship with Mom because…in many ways…she was fucked up in the head…but most people really never knew. I knew but…you know what? I only have one mother and if I didn’t make the effort to be a positive influence in her life…then what good am I?
Dad died of cancer in 1989. During his final days he asked me to make sure that I take care of Mom because “I know how she is mentally.”
It has meant major sacrifice on my part. There are so many things that I would have preferred to do at points in my life. Would I prefer to be doing many other things right now than being the primary caregiver to a 93 year old? You bet! But that is my Karma…and if Mom went into an assisted living place she would die from a loss of will to live. I don’t want her waking up scared to death in a place she doesn’t know surrounded by people she doesn’t know who put drugs in her to sedate her from being an emotional basket case that they have to deal with.
In 2014 Mom had an itch she wanted to scratch. She wanted to see her son Jim’s house in Montana in Glacier Park.
In early 2014 Mom also was diagnosed with lumbar spinal stenosis so severe that the doctors say they really don’t know how she was walking. If she were any younger they would have performed immediate surgery.
The easy thing to do would be to fly her to Montana and back but…why? This was obviously “it.” This would be her last chance to travel and see places because she is aging and my life and business is only getting busier as everything develops.
Mom’s Amazing Journey is the story of the trip taken in September of 2014. The journey went from Jacksonville to Biloxi to Nashville to Saint Louis to Kansas City to Montana and then back across northern America to Grand Rapids and back to Jacksonville. But Mom’s Amazing Journey is also the story of a life shared…and about who Mom and myself are.
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